Hey everyone! Wow, writing has been sporadic these days. I feel like I’m finally starting to settle into a rhythm with my summer. I’ve been home for a few weeks now and it always takes some adjusting for me when coming back from school for a long break.
For example, I always feel really weird at first when I don’t constantly have homework/reading that I have to do. I’ll go to work, and do work when I’m there, but when I come home, home is just home. At school, my dorm room was kind of a catch-all space. I would often eat breakfast there, do yoga there, sleep, watch T.V., read, write papers… now my life is a little more compartmentalized. I love how my room at home is just that: a place where I sleep (and maybe read, watch Netflix, basically relaxing activities).
The biggest challenge so far for me has been figuring out what my new routine, my new normal, is going to be. I still have obligations I have to fulfill, but there are parts of my day that I really like to keep the same from day to day.
I’m someone who craves order and predictability. I love keeping things organized, knowing what’s on the agenda, and having clear, well-laid plans. As I continue to discover, life just doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes (basically 90% of the time) the metro/bus is running late or not running at all, I oversleep by 10 minutes, there is horrible traffic, etc. Realizing I’m not 100% in control ever is humbling, even when I do truly believe everything will work out and that I am well-loved and taken care of by my Creator, my family, and my friends.
Even though I know I’m not really in control of everything, I still strive for a semblance of order in my life. Coming home has been a bit challenging, mostly because in any new environment, the schedule that I crafted so carefully myself doesn’t fit. It’s like trying to put a piece in a puzzle that just won’t go. Because how could my life as a student taking a full schedule of classes compare to being at home with a family, and working 30-40 hours a week?
If I’m being perfectly honest, I’ve been trying to fit myself into a perfectly timed schedule and routine for these past few weeks. And I really haven’t been overly successful at it. Yep, I overslept on Friday. A lot of things lately have been more spur of the moment.
And what I’m finally realizing is that I’m ready to start accepting it. Yes, I will always desire and strive to keep a semblance of routine. For example, I will go to bed early, wake up early(ish), drink my 2-3 cups of coffee, and put in my full effort at work. But I’m also trying to embrace some of the lack of routine. After a year of self-imposed structure, I’m really enjoying having time to read, and write, and watch Netflix, or go on a longer run just because it’s nice out and I have nowhere I need to be. It’s a good season in my life where there a lot of things I “can do” but don’t “have to.”
I realize this has become a bit of a ramble, but it’s a bit of a necessary brain dump for me. I don’t want to be a slave to a schedule or a routine that doesn’t bring me joy. I was made for more than that, and I want to live fully and joyfully. If “perfection” and “order” are not bringing me joy, how can they be deemed “perfect” and “orderly.”
At the end of the day, I am functioning, even without a schedule. In the end, I get all the work that needs to get done, done. I eat my meals, even if they aren’t what I planned and aren’t at my usual time. I get to spend time with my siblings and parents and friends. And whether I follow a schedule or not, life is good. So even though I may not be ready for the unexpected, I’m trying to embrace it.
So here’s to functioning, even when I lack a schedule.
Do you adhere to a schedule/routine?
What do you do/how do you react when your plans go awry?
Any advice/tips on embracing the unexpected/transition seasons of life?
As always, thanks to Julia for organizing the Mental Health Monday link-up. Be sure to check the other submissions!