Let’s Stop the Bragplaining…

Again life is proving to be packed and busy in so many wonderful ways! I’m nearing the end of the spring semester, and with that comes the deadlines for many projects, impending finals, and other fun things too, to celebrate the year!

As I’m writing this post, I just finished my last class of the year. It’s really hard for me to believe that I’m halfway through my college career. I feel like I moved in only a few months ago. The weird thing about time is how it passes so quickly and so slowly at the same time.

One thing I want to make sure I do this time around is to really absorb and enjoy every moment that I have here at my college. I’m very lucky in that I go to a school that I really love. I have made wonderful, close friends here, and am surrounded by a supportive campus and community. I have an on-campus job that I truly enjoy. I’m getting an amazing education in one of the most uniquely situated schools in the country. I even have a chance to take a class in the oldest college building in the United States!

But what tends to happen is that I get caught up in the everyday struggles. Trying to make it to class on time, getting work and readings done, squeezing in a workout once in awhile… yep, definitely a challenge for me. And the perfectionist in me wants to do all of these things well. And I used to try to. But now, I’m trying to be more realistic. I can’t be good at everything and do everything to the extent that I would like to.

We live in a culture that pressures everyone to do more: harder workouts on less sleep on less food, getting the best grades and salary, all while being part of a perfectly functional family, and engaging in an exciting social life. Yeah, that’s not happening for me. And I don’t think that’s happening for most people. But there’s a tendency to put on an image of “doing it all.”

Now enters in a term I often find myself using: bragplaining. It usually goes something like this: “I’m so tired, I got only 4 hours of sleep because I was writing my term paper. I mean I go an A+ so it was worth it.” And then meanwhile you spent a week drafting and revising the paper and got a B+ that you were pretty happy with. Sound familiar? There are a million different variations on this. But I’m sure you’re familar with hearing something like this.

But you know what? I’m done with this sort of thing. And I think we all should be.

Here are my confessions. Aka what it is like to be a realistic human who is just trying to function and keep it together.

I proudly get about 8 hours of sleep every night. I feel best when I get 9 actually. Yep, I’m actually not overly functional on less, and still am hopelessly addicted to coffee no matter what.

I eat a lot of food. And no, I am not AT ALL ashamed of how much I eat, nor do I think that I should adhere to some guideline set about by an online calculator for how many calories I should eat. I eat a lot of healthy food and love salads, avocado, and natural nut butters. I also really enjoy cake and bacon and potato chips. And I feel no shame over eating either. Having experienced disordered eating habits in the past, I choose now to live in the freedom that I have created for myself and that I was created to live in. What other people do works for them, but I am proud that I make decisions that work for me.

I love working out. Running is one of my favorite things to do. But I also really love lying in my bed and watching Netflix. Moving my body everyday makes me feel amazing. But not every day is a speedwork session with crazy mileage. A lot of times it’s taking the long way when I’m walking because I love the feeling of sunshine on my back. Some people need more than this to feel good, but I’m happy that I’ve found something that keeps my healthy and happy.

IMG_0487

Sweaty post-workout selfie! If you look closely I have some arm muscle!

I try to get work done ahead of deadlines. I become a stress ball if I don’t. I hate the feeling of procrastination, even when I know that I am doing it. I can’t pull an all-nighter or study for 6 hours straight. Not only because I need my rest, but also because I can’t hold my attention span long enough to do that. I also just don’t want to deal with the stress of trying to cram things in at the last minute.

So those are my four confessions. Basically the things that make me a human. And I’m 90% of other people out there feel similarly. Stop the bragplaining of doing more with less, and maybe start doing less with more and see where it leads.

I’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you have on this topic!

 

 

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9 thoughts on “Let’s Stop the Bragplaining…

    • lifeofendurance says:

      Haha glad you agree! I’m all ears if a friend wants to talk and be heard, but when it’s just an excuse to complain about how much they’ve roped themselves into? Not interested!

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  1. Ellie says:

    I really resonate with this! I hate it when people complain about how important and successful they are. I know I am guilty of it sometimes too and work hard not to do that. I wish people would just confidently say what they want, instead of looking for more outside validation for their “woe is me, I’m so great” attitude. Great post!

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    • lifeofendurance says:

      Thank you so much Ellie! I really like what you said about people saying what they want and what they need, since it’s true that the only validation we truly need should come from ourselves, and whether we’re content with the way that we are choosing to live and the decisions we make.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hanna @ TheMillennialNextDoor says:

    Great post! I love the term “bragplaining” – this is something that has always bothered me as well, particularly when people “bragplain” about how busy they are just so that everyone knows and is impressed by how busy they are. I’m supposed to feel bad for you because you’re swamped with extracurricular activities you *chose* to take on?

    I think what bothers me most about it is that the things we “bragsplain” about are so ridiculously privileged. There are so many people in the world who would LOVE to have my “problems”, and I often feel silly complaining about, like, my marathon training schedule or my blog when there are people who are losing their jobs, have sick family members, can’t afford their rent, etc. Not that us relatively-privileged folks don’t have problems or deserve empathy, but, a little perspective goes a long way.

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    • lifeofendurance says:

      Thanks Hanna! I agree with you – a lot of our “problems” are ones that when I step back I think WOW this is actually not a terrible thing to have. Being busy doing fulfilling activities or a job that we love can be stressful, but so many people are dealing with things beyond their control that are immense problems compared to most of the ones I deal with. You’re right, perspective really does go a long way!

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  3. clusterforked says:

    This is so true. When I really think about the little things we say that are code for “look how great I am” it amounts to an awful lot of bragplaining. Thank you for your honesty, and trust me, you are not alone at all, I beat myself up about some of the things you talk about in this post but the truth is, not everyone is going to be able to function on 5 hours of sleep or a ridiculously low amount of calories so why should there be any comparison?

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    • lifeofendurance says:

      Thanks Aubrey! Being at peace with the fact that I’m human and limited in my abilities is hard to accept, but it’s actually a reality that EVERYONE has to face. I think learning not to compare is definitely a good step in not letting the bragplaining get to me!

      Like

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